I know it's been forever since I last blogged. It's been a crazy summer. Good but crazy. I ended up breaking my foot at the beginning of July. My weight loss had already stalled, and I knew that the summer could be disasterous if I wasn't able to move around much. One night while I was having an extremely bad pity party, I admitted to my husband, and more importantly myself that I couldn't do it on my own. I'm a food addict. I know a lot of people who are overweight throw that term around, but for me it's true. I would have a panic attack while trying to avoid buying a bag of chips at the checkout line. I would go through the drive thru, order an extra value meal, scarf it down in my car and throw away the evidence so no one would know. I was a closet eater. It was an incredibly hard thing to admit, let alone tell someone else, even my husband. That night, he offered to take over my food, he asked me to give him 2 months to see if he could get the scale to move. In a moment of desperation, I agreed. That was July 17th.
That night, I got on the scale and weighed 198.4. That was not a good number. The next day Kevin dowloaded the Lose It app on my phone and set out a plan. The goal was to get to 155 by my birthday in January. He started planning and fixing my meals, as well as tracking my calories for me. The only stipulation on our deal was that I couldn't cheat. If he didn't plan it or pack it for me, I couldn't eat it without clearing it with him first.
I knew it wasn't going to be easy. The first few weeks were rough, although I handled it better than either one of us thought I would. It helped a lot that I was imobile because of the broken foot. I was cranky. I had cravings. I shed several tears. But the scale was moving down. That was my motivation.
After a few weeks, it started to get easier. The cravings started to subside, and we actually found healthy meal options that I liked. For me, it's important to enjoy what I'm eating. If I don't enjoy it, I won't eat it for long. I still got to have my "cheats"...wings, hamburgers, pizza...but I knew that I had to report my calories for the day to Kevin, so I made sure to plan for every bite of it.
It's been a little over 2 months now and I've lost 15.7 pounds (182.7). We still plan meals together, but I am tracking everything myself. I refer to that first month as my "cleanse". He got me off all of the junk. Now, if I eat more than 1 bad meal a week I get sick, and I don't enjoy that feeling. I still have bad days. I don't know that the day will ever come when I don't have issues with my food. But I have an amazing support system, and I know with Kevin's help that I can do it.
My next goal is getting back into the gym. It's been almost 11 weeks since I broke my foot, and I'm still in my boot. I'm slowly working my way into a tennis shoe, but it's a very slow process. I tested it this morning, and I can get on the eliptical with my boot on, so I have no excuses now. Day one at the gym is Tuesday. I'm only holding myself accountable for going 30 minutes twice a week. I'm basically starting all over again, and I don't want to injur myself or burn myself out right off the bat. I also need to establish a good routine over the next month because I start grad school at the end of October. If I get in the habit now, it will be a lot harder to use the homework excuse for skipping the gym.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Sometimes you have to look at where you've been to figure out where you're going.
I spent some time yesterday re-reading all of my old blogs. I was looking for a recipe I was sure I had posted, but didn't put it in the title, so I ended up reading each and every one of them. A lot of it was like reading through an old high school journal, kind of embarrasing and all I could think was, "What is wrong with me?!" As painful as it was to read, I did get some good motivation out of it. And it reminded me of things I was doing and eating back when I first started WW and was so successful.
I'm finally back in the mindset of wanting to lose weight again, not just maintain what I've already lost. While I still don't have the zeal and excitment of when I first joined, I do feel inspired to get with the program and actually stick to it. I read in an earlier post that before I would lose weight for an arbitrary event (wedding, vacation, etc) and then I would quit. I decided I wasn't going to do that this time around. But then I realized that I really don't have any goals or timelines set for myself, and I think that's part of why I let myself vear off course.
So, I have less than 7 months until vacation in Jamaica; 29 weeks from Saturday to be exact. My goal is to lose 40+ pounds from where I was this morning by the time we leave. I'm not saying exactly 40 because if I'm close or hit it before we go, I'll slack off. So the minimum that needs to be gone by December 22 is 40 pounds. If I can manage to lose 60 pounds, that would put me at goal weight!
I've had an awesome week this week with tracking and styaing within my points. And I've earned a fair amount of activity points, although I've been kind of sluggish the last 2 days. I just need to force myself to stay on plan and move as much as I can. The movement is about to get easier and way more fun...I'm getting a motorcycle sometime in the next couple of weeks. It's a serious core workout and can earn massive activity points!
Todays weight: 195.0
Jamaica goal weight: 155.0
Final goal weight: 135.0
I'm finally back in the mindset of wanting to lose weight again, not just maintain what I've already lost. While I still don't have the zeal and excitment of when I first joined, I do feel inspired to get with the program and actually stick to it. I read in an earlier post that before I would lose weight for an arbitrary event (wedding, vacation, etc) and then I would quit. I decided I wasn't going to do that this time around. But then I realized that I really don't have any goals or timelines set for myself, and I think that's part of why I let myself vear off course.
So, I have less than 7 months until vacation in Jamaica; 29 weeks from Saturday to be exact. My goal is to lose 40+ pounds from where I was this morning by the time we leave. I'm not saying exactly 40 because if I'm close or hit it before we go, I'll slack off. So the minimum that needs to be gone by December 22 is 40 pounds. If I can manage to lose 60 pounds, that would put me at goal weight!
I've had an awesome week this week with tracking and styaing within my points. And I've earned a fair amount of activity points, although I've been kind of sluggish the last 2 days. I just need to force myself to stay on plan and move as much as I can. The movement is about to get easier and way more fun...I'm getting a motorcycle sometime in the next couple of weeks. It's a serious core workout and can earn massive activity points!
Todays weight: 195.0
Jamaica goal weight: 155.0
Final goal weight: 135.0
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
20 Pounds by 4th of July
I realized that I haven't really been working towards anything as far as my weight loss goes. Yes, I want to lose weight, but I haven't been setting any goals for myself. So today, I decided that I want to drop 20 pounds by 4th of July. That's 7 weeks from today. It's going to be difficult, but I know I can do it. I think I need to jolt myself back into reality and back into being on plan. I've been really sloppy and lazy lately. I know I can't accomplish this goal without a plan of attack, and even setting mini goals along the way.
Step 1: get the eating under control. It may sound easy, but this involves tracking every bit of food that enters my mouth and staying within my points. I also need to cut out all of the crap I've been eating. And we need to quit going out to eat on a whim. Or at least I need to stop ordering the high fat stuff. If we go out to eat, it's grilled chicken and veggies, or a salad for me. I will also be limiting the amount of junk food enters the house, and buying more fresh fruit since it's coming into season.
Step 2: move more. We all know I hate to exercise, but I know that I'm never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off without it. So bring on the gym. I'm going to focus more on cardio than weights because that's what will take the fat off. My goal is to go to the gym twice a week so I can do different cardio equipment, like the arc trainer, eliptical, or bike, and then I will walk at home either on the treadmill or outside 3 more days a week.
Step 3: have a contingency plan. Lets face it, life doesn't always go according to plan. There are going to be nights that I don't want to cook, or don't have time to cook. There are going to be days when I don't feel like working out. I have to be able to work around these obstacles without throwing in the towel. First, I will make sure that there is always a low-point food option in the freezer for when I don't want to cook dinner. I'm also going to make sure that I have menus planned in advance so I don't have to wing it. On days I don't want to work out, I'm going to make myself do 10 minutes. If I'm not feeling it after that, I can quit. But more often than not, once I've been doing it for 10 minutes I want to keep going.
Step 4: take my meds as prescribed. This sounds like a no-brainer, but I have issues in this department. While I'm not diabetic, I am insulin resistant and therefore need to take medication to lower my insulin levels. This directly affects my weight loss and I haven't been taking it like I should. I honestly just forget to take it. I'm going to pull it out and sit it on the kitchen counter where I can see it instead of keeping it hidden away in the medicine basket.
I'm going to make this work, come hell or high water. I just have to.
Step 1: get the eating under control. It may sound easy, but this involves tracking every bit of food that enters my mouth and staying within my points. I also need to cut out all of the crap I've been eating. And we need to quit going out to eat on a whim. Or at least I need to stop ordering the high fat stuff. If we go out to eat, it's grilled chicken and veggies, or a salad for me. I will also be limiting the amount of junk food enters the house, and buying more fresh fruit since it's coming into season.
Step 2: move more. We all know I hate to exercise, but I know that I'm never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off without it. So bring on the gym. I'm going to focus more on cardio than weights because that's what will take the fat off. My goal is to go to the gym twice a week so I can do different cardio equipment, like the arc trainer, eliptical, or bike, and then I will walk at home either on the treadmill or outside 3 more days a week.
Step 3: have a contingency plan. Lets face it, life doesn't always go according to plan. There are going to be nights that I don't want to cook, or don't have time to cook. There are going to be days when I don't feel like working out. I have to be able to work around these obstacles without throwing in the towel. First, I will make sure that there is always a low-point food option in the freezer for when I don't want to cook dinner. I'm also going to make sure that I have menus planned in advance so I don't have to wing it. On days I don't want to work out, I'm going to make myself do 10 minutes. If I'm not feeling it after that, I can quit. But more often than not, once I've been doing it for 10 minutes I want to keep going.
Step 4: take my meds as prescribed. This sounds like a no-brainer, but I have issues in this department. While I'm not diabetic, I am insulin resistant and therefore need to take medication to lower my insulin levels. This directly affects my weight loss and I haven't been taking it like I should. I honestly just forget to take it. I'm going to pull it out and sit it on the kitchen counter where I can see it instead of keeping it hidden away in the medicine basket.
I'm going to make this work, come hell or high water. I just have to.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Am I Really Having A Mental Shift?
I was really worried about how today was going to go. I knew we were going out for German/Austrian food tonight for Mother's Day and my dad's birthday. Last time we went I got the sausage sampler...6 sausages to the tune of 8 points each. That was before WW. Anyways, I poured over the menu for the last few days trying to figure out what I was going to get. I was still clueless as of this morning.
During our meeting today, we talked about motivation. Right now, I really don't have any. I mean, yeah, I'm sick of being fat, but that's never gotten me anywhere before. I have a trip to Jamaica coming up in 6 and a half months, but I just got back from a cruise and didn't really lose any weight for that, so why would Jamaica be any different? I'm just kind of here, going through the motions (barely) and having a hard time figuring out why I'm doing all of this when I really just want to go eat a cheeseburger. My leader challenged us to force ourselves to have an on-plan week, even if we weren't feeling it. The theory is that if we have an on-plan week, then we'll notice how much better we're feeling and that will make us want to stay on-plan.
I decided to give the challenge the old college try. So I pulled up the menu again, knowing that I was going to stay away from anything breaded, and the yummy sausages. I decided on sliced beef and roasted root vegetables in a vegetable and beef cosumme. I was not at all excited about it, but I knew it was the best decision, especially if I wanted desert. To my surprise, it was absolutely delicious! And it was only 6PP! It really was one of the best dishes I've ever had, and I don't feel sick after eating it.
Since today was such a positive day, I came home and planned out my breakfasts and lunches for the week and I'm focusing on yummy, but whole and nutritious foods. I'm actually excited. I really thing this is the mental shift that I've been needing and waiting for. Normally when we go out to eat, I order my old standby's, which is what I always ordered before WW. Now I feel like I can branch out and still have wonderful food, but lower points. Now I just need to figure out a way to make exercise fun!
During our meeting today, we talked about motivation. Right now, I really don't have any. I mean, yeah, I'm sick of being fat, but that's never gotten me anywhere before. I have a trip to Jamaica coming up in 6 and a half months, but I just got back from a cruise and didn't really lose any weight for that, so why would Jamaica be any different? I'm just kind of here, going through the motions (barely) and having a hard time figuring out why I'm doing all of this when I really just want to go eat a cheeseburger. My leader challenged us to force ourselves to have an on-plan week, even if we weren't feeling it. The theory is that if we have an on-plan week, then we'll notice how much better we're feeling and that will make us want to stay on-plan.
I decided to give the challenge the old college try. So I pulled up the menu again, knowing that I was going to stay away from anything breaded, and the yummy sausages. I decided on sliced beef and roasted root vegetables in a vegetable and beef cosumme. I was not at all excited about it, but I knew it was the best decision, especially if I wanted desert. To my surprise, it was absolutely delicious! And it was only 6PP! It really was one of the best dishes I've ever had, and I don't feel sick after eating it.
Since today was such a positive day, I came home and planned out my breakfasts and lunches for the week and I'm focusing on yummy, but whole and nutritious foods. I'm actually excited. I really thing this is the mental shift that I've been needing and waiting for. Normally when we go out to eat, I order my old standby's, which is what I always ordered before WW. Now I feel like I can branch out and still have wonderful food, but lower points. Now I just need to figure out a way to make exercise fun!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas...Err, I Mean Kansas City
So for the last few months, I thought that just being a Weight Watcher member was enough to make me lose weight. Forget the fact that I wasn't tracking my food, staying within my points, or getting much exercise. I thought that because I went to meetings and paid my monthly dues that that was enough. Delusional, huh?
Well, I am happy to announce that today I found my right mind. It was really there all along, just clouded by incredible laziness, self loathing, and self pity. Somewhere along my journey, I decided that I wasn't worth the effort. Losing weight is tough. Don't let anyone lead you to believe otherwise. In order to stick with it, you have to decide that you're worth it, and damn it, I'm worth it!
I've heard people say that in order to lose weight you have to be happy with yourself as you are now. I thought that was crazy. My rationale was, "If I'm happy with myself as I am now, what's the point in putting in the effort to lose weight?" Today I realized the powerful truth behind that line of thinking. When I hate the way I look, and the way my clothes fit, I'm more likely to go grab a big bag of chips, a candy bar, and some cake with buttercream icing than I am to grab some fruit or veggies. In my mind, because I didn't like myself, I had permission to keep shoveling the crap into my mouth.
Think about it. How do we treat our friends? I am kind, compassionate, caring, and protective of the people I care about. As for people I don't like, that's a completely different story. I tend to ignore those people, and can even be kind of mean. Well, that's what I've been doing to myself. I haven't been happy with myself, so I've been ignoring the fact that I haven't been tracking, and in a way have been poisoning myself with the kind of food I've been eating.
I've also been afraid. How can someone be afraid of losing weight, you ask? Number 1, I'm afraid of failing. If I don't try, I can't fail. Backwards, I know. Number 2, I'm a little scared of what my body is going to look like with 80 pounds gone. Stretchmarks can be cruel. Number 3, I haven't been thin since high school. That was almost 13 years ago. I'm not sure who I am thin and I really don't want to have an identiy crisis at 31. That's not supposed to happen until I'm in my 40's, and then I get to go buy something ridiculously extravagent to try to compensate.
Today I decided that the fear and loathing stops NOW! As Stuart Smalley used to say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggonit, people like me!" Now it's time for me to like me.
Well, I am happy to announce that today I found my right mind. It was really there all along, just clouded by incredible laziness, self loathing, and self pity. Somewhere along my journey, I decided that I wasn't worth the effort. Losing weight is tough. Don't let anyone lead you to believe otherwise. In order to stick with it, you have to decide that you're worth it, and damn it, I'm worth it!
I've heard people say that in order to lose weight you have to be happy with yourself as you are now. I thought that was crazy. My rationale was, "If I'm happy with myself as I am now, what's the point in putting in the effort to lose weight?" Today I realized the powerful truth behind that line of thinking. When I hate the way I look, and the way my clothes fit, I'm more likely to go grab a big bag of chips, a candy bar, and some cake with buttercream icing than I am to grab some fruit or veggies. In my mind, because I didn't like myself, I had permission to keep shoveling the crap into my mouth.
Think about it. How do we treat our friends? I am kind, compassionate, caring, and protective of the people I care about. As for people I don't like, that's a completely different story. I tend to ignore those people, and can even be kind of mean. Well, that's what I've been doing to myself. I haven't been happy with myself, so I've been ignoring the fact that I haven't been tracking, and in a way have been poisoning myself with the kind of food I've been eating.
I've also been afraid. How can someone be afraid of losing weight, you ask? Number 1, I'm afraid of failing. If I don't try, I can't fail. Backwards, I know. Number 2, I'm a little scared of what my body is going to look like with 80 pounds gone. Stretchmarks can be cruel. Number 3, I haven't been thin since high school. That was almost 13 years ago. I'm not sure who I am thin and I really don't want to have an identiy crisis at 31. That's not supposed to happen until I'm in my 40's, and then I get to go buy something ridiculously extravagent to try to compensate.
Today I decided that the fear and loathing stops NOW! As Stuart Smalley used to say, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggonit, people like me!" Now it's time for me to like me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Time to Reboot and Refocus
Last week was a total bust. I didn't even go weigh-in on Saturday morning. I just couldn't face the scale. Instead I had 4 pieces of pizza for dinner. I've got to get a handle on this thing. It seems as though 1 bad day, and 1 day of not tracking throws me completely off the rails. I'm back on track today, which is good, but tomorrow is going to be tricky. We are having a birthday lunch for one of my co-workers, and my husband is taking me out for Valentine's day tomorrow night. Fortunately Lent is right around the corner and I'm going to take it as an opportunity to re-boot. Most people I know give up something for Lent. This year I am committing to doing something every day as my personal challenge and sacrifice.
February 22 starts my Weight Watchers boot-camp. I am committing myself to following the plan 100% every day during the Lenten season. This includes tracking every single morsel of food that passes my lips, staying within my points, and doing 30 minutes of activity per day. It's going to be really hard, but I know it's just what I need.
Why not start earlier you ask? I ask myself that question all the time. I still haven't found a good answer. I just know that during Lent, I'm less likely to let myself off the hook for having a bad day. Not to mention this gives me a week to get a plan in place.
February 22 starts my Weight Watchers boot-camp. I am committing myself to following the plan 100% every day during the Lenten season. This includes tracking every single morsel of food that passes my lips, staying within my points, and doing 30 minutes of activity per day. It's going to be really hard, but I know it's just what I need.
Why not start earlier you ask? I ask myself that question all the time. I still haven't found a good answer. I just know that during Lent, I'm less likely to let myself off the hook for having a bad day. Not to mention this gives me a week to get a plan in place.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Power Up!
I apologize for the delay in blog posts. I had a really bad case of food poisoning a week and a half ago and it knocked me on my butt. I will never eat another scallop as long as I live. On the plus side, it kind of kick-started my weight loss. I ended up being down 2 pounds this past week. Now I'm super motivated to keep the losses going. This weekend was a little rough food-wise, but I'm hanging in there.
As I've posted before, I love convenience foods. This means processed foods that I can throw in a skillet or the microwave and have lunch or dinner in minutes. Unfortunately, I'm starting to learn that they don't satisfy me, and I'm actually eating more. At our meeting last week we talked about the importance of power foods. A power food is a food that's not processed, low in fat and carbs, and higher in fiber and protein. Fiber and protein are the key, because they help keep you fuller longer. WW has a list of power foods which included fresh fruits, vegetables (even potatoes), lean proteins, fat-free dairy, whole wheat pasta and other whole grains, and reduced calorie breads.
I used to balk at the idea of eating nothing but (or mostly) power foods. I couldn't figure out where the variety came from, not to mention the time to prepare them. But after doing some research and studying, I've come to realize that it's easier than I thought it would be. Most of the dinner recipes I use contain power foods. Some of them are only power foods. I can use all kinds of different spices to flavor chicken, throw some sweet potatoes in the oven, and throw a bag of broccoli in the microwave, and voila, a tasty, realatively easy dinner. Even better, I won't be hungry an hour or 2 later.
Power foods really do power up your weight loss. I find that if I try to focus on eating mostly power foods I don't have the urge to snack. I don't crave junk food, and I generally feel better. Another good side-effect is reduced sodium. Nothing can mess with the scale more than water retention, and lately, I puff up like a blowfish if I eat anything with excess sodium in it.
Tonight for dinner I'm making Szechuan Chicken and Noodles. I don't have the recipe in front of me, but it's basically chicken, whole-wheat pasta, broccoli-slaw mix (without the dressing), and some chinese sauces. It's mostly power foods. The only thing that could be problematic is the soy sauce, but I bought the low-sodium stuff. If it's good I'll post the recipe and a picture later.
This week I'm going to focus on powering up so the scale will go down. I'm shooting for another 2 pounds this week :)
As I've posted before, I love convenience foods. This means processed foods that I can throw in a skillet or the microwave and have lunch or dinner in minutes. Unfortunately, I'm starting to learn that they don't satisfy me, and I'm actually eating more. At our meeting last week we talked about the importance of power foods. A power food is a food that's not processed, low in fat and carbs, and higher in fiber and protein. Fiber and protein are the key, because they help keep you fuller longer. WW has a list of power foods which included fresh fruits, vegetables (even potatoes), lean proteins, fat-free dairy, whole wheat pasta and other whole grains, and reduced calorie breads.
I used to balk at the idea of eating nothing but (or mostly) power foods. I couldn't figure out where the variety came from, not to mention the time to prepare them. But after doing some research and studying, I've come to realize that it's easier than I thought it would be. Most of the dinner recipes I use contain power foods. Some of them are only power foods. I can use all kinds of different spices to flavor chicken, throw some sweet potatoes in the oven, and throw a bag of broccoli in the microwave, and voila, a tasty, realatively easy dinner. Even better, I won't be hungry an hour or 2 later.
Power foods really do power up your weight loss. I find that if I try to focus on eating mostly power foods I don't have the urge to snack. I don't crave junk food, and I generally feel better. Another good side-effect is reduced sodium. Nothing can mess with the scale more than water retention, and lately, I puff up like a blowfish if I eat anything with excess sodium in it.
Tonight for dinner I'm making Szechuan Chicken and Noodles. I don't have the recipe in front of me, but it's basically chicken, whole-wheat pasta, broccoli-slaw mix (without the dressing), and some chinese sauces. It's mostly power foods. The only thing that could be problematic is the soy sauce, but I bought the low-sodium stuff. If it's good I'll post the recipe and a picture later.
This week I'm going to focus on powering up so the scale will go down. I'm shooting for another 2 pounds this week :)
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